Melody Whittinghill has been a member since 2012 and is an Assistant and Research Organizer. She is a 25-year old mother to two beautiful little girls. She has been sick since 2007, but didn’t get diagnosed with Fibromyalgia until 2012. She is also diagnosed with Interstitial Cystitis, IBS and Gastroparesis.
She can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org
My girls <3
These two beautiful girls are the greatest things that ever happened for me in my life; no matter the struggles I have faced and the tears that I’ve cried my babies have always been by their Momma’s side. They help me through the life changing experience that I have had to face, I may not be able to run and play with them like I would love to, but I come up with other things for us to do.
I have been faced with being a Fibro Momma and a lot has changed with me physically, but the love I have for my girls will never change.
I love you Lilly Bug N Kel Bell <3 Adiara girls
For Better Or Worse
Your life has changed, you’re growing into a different person. You have trouble doing the things that you used to do. Even loving the man that took your hand or the girl who says she is your best friend. When living with a chronic illness you feel like the whole world has just turned their back one you. Not only has your life changed but others around you are trying to accept the changes that you’re about to face.
One thing I’ve learned about life is nothing is a guarantee. You have trouble believing the people that said they would be there for you. Have gone passed you, start talking about you, look at you different like your lazy or always upset and in pain; you’re no longer the person that they use to hang out with. Your mind becomes drained and full of shame from all the hurtful things that they say and feel about you.
No, it’s not easy for us Fibro sufferers to deal with our illness, but it is a hard pill for our partners and loved ones to swallow. People grow and change even after they say “I do” or promise to never leave you. Things happen in life that can not be controlled. Something traumatic happens in life that can not be controlled and can flip your whole life upside down, changing everything you had planned and they don’t know if they can handle being with you anymore. It then comes down to holding onto the independence to help push you through and being able to tell yourself that “yes! I can do this on my own”.
Fibro has not just become a part of you and something you have to learn to add into your life, but something that has changed the relationship you once had. The plans and everything starts to become difficult. There comes the stress, the grief, the blame, struggles: emotions all start to take over. Your partner watches you in pain every day now not knowing what to do? Or sees the tears falling from your face and starts to think to themselves, “Is this really my place anymore? Can I handle what were about to face?”
You know I never knew how much people loved and cared about me until I got sick. I lost relationships, friendships and myself. I am a Fibro sufferer that had to push myself through all the pain and tears and learn to do it on my own. I prepared myself for the broken heart I received. Words didn’t mean anything to me anymore, promises were broken, and people dropped out of my life one by one. It hurt, yes, but it made me realize who my true friends and family were. If they chose to leave it was for the best because not everybody is meant to stay a part of our life just because they enter it.
When falling in love and taking someone’s hand and saying “for better or for worse” they were supposed to have meant it. Things have now shifted for the both of you, nothing is as planned anymore when you first met. Your friendship isn’t how it was. Going out and able to do things and making those future plans isn’t what it was. Living for the future is what you were doing , but when something happened to you and made you stop and smell the flowers that’s when you started living day to day.
Never did I think this is what life would be like, but also never did I see myself having children. It’s funny, my mom use to tell me when I was little I would always tell her I was going to adopt, I didn’t want to go through childbirth. Amazingly, I had two beautiful girls that I wouldn’t trade for anything, but feel a lot of guilt that I got blessed with children that I have trouble tending to and caring for. I would beat myself up all the time, especially felt that I wasn’t good enough for them. I was called a bad mother and judged by so many, but after too much became too much I made one of the hardest decisions any mother could make: I let my girls go live with their Dad. For my life was in complete shambles. I lost everything, even though I felt it was for the best, it wasn’t. I missed so much and lost time with my girls that I will never get back.
Being sick since 2007 wasn’t in my plans either. My doctors feel that everything kicked in after the birth of my youngest daughter. I had complications, and so did she, after she was born there were some deformities. I blamed myself every day even though I didn’t do anything. I pushed and made sure my youngest daughter got whatever help she needed. What hurt the most was I was starting to get sick an feel completely awful, everything was slipping. Vomiting, nausea, fatigue and my body being very weak; no matter what I pushed and pushed to be there for my youngest. Throughout my girls growing up I tried to do so much for them. I would struggle with taking them anywhere, being able to play outside was not an option. I pushed myself to work full-time just to try and get them things they needed or wanted. On top of trying to be there for my girls nobody made it easy for me at all. I was judged by so many and talked about. It knocked me down and I couldn’t fight it anymore. It took me hitting rock bottom for me to realize I had to take care of myself before I could give my girls the life they deserved. Have you ever heard that saying, “If an airplane is going to crash and your gas mask falls in front of your face and your child, which one would you put it on first?” The answer would be yourself, because in order to save your child you have to save your self first to put their mask on. In other words, you have to put yourself first or you will be useless to others. For three years that’s what I did. My health was getting worse and more tests were being done. I finally got a diagnoses, goodness I got more than one but they were falling under the one called Fibromyalgia. After getting a diagnoses it did not make me feel better, I was ready for more answers . I was ready to find out what this awful monster was that took over me and jeopardized so much. Finding the name of this illness, Fibromyalgia, gave me some hope, but there was none when the doc said, “Ms. Whittinghill, we don’t know the cause or have a cure for it right now.”
I balled and cried and when my youngest daughter came to me at age 4 and asked, “Mommy, why are you always sick? Why can’t you play with me like daddy does?” She had asked me so many questions! All I could say was, “Mommy hurts a lot, like when you get a booboo.” I pointed to where I hurt and she would look at me and say “I’ll kiss all your booboo’s and make you feel better.” With tears running down my face that little girl right then and there gave me the strength, my hope, to everyday living. I started to do things that I knew my body could handle. We would color together, play table games, play video games and when mommy was tired she would cuddle with me. My youngest was so sweet and understanding, we have been taking care of each other and I may have my bad days , but my baby girl always puts a smile on Mommy’s face and lifts me up when I’m down. I know this sounds crazy, no I did not wish for what has happened to me and I know neither have you. Before I got sick stopping and smelling the flowers wasn’t enough time. My oldest daughter is not around as much as I would like, to understand, but my beautiful KelBell is and does. Even though giving birth to this beautiful girl may have caused a lot of this, I would never take it back, this may be a chronic illness and traumatic event, but she is my blessing.